How I Met Your Mother Quotes (Season 8)

Episode 1:

Lilly: We’re not gonna be the kind of people who have a baby and become total zombies.

Marshall: Yes, Robin. We’re not gonna be the kind of people that have a zombie and become total babies.


Ted: I wonder if Klaus found your note yet.

Victoria: My note?

Ted: Yeah, you know, the “I’m leaving you at the altar” note.

Victoria: Is that a thing?

Ted: When you leave someone at the altar, you always leave a note. It’s common courtesy.

Victoria: I think common courtesy went out the window when I did.


Barney: I’m sorry I lied to you. I’ll tell you everything.

Quinn: The whole story. Fine. You have one minute before I walk out that door.

Barney: Um, it’s, uh, kind of a long story, Quinn.

Robin: Gonna take a bit little longer than a minute.

Seven years ago, when Marshall and Lily got engaged, Ted saw Robin across a crowded room, and I said, “Oh, yeah, you just know she likes it dirty,” but Ted really liked her so we played “Have you met Ted?” They went to dinner, he walked her home, shoulda kissed her, didn’t– lame– so he stole a smurf penis, went back to her place, should’ve kissed her, didn’t– lame. He threw three parties, they kissed on the roof, but decided to be friends–lame– then Ted wanted to take Robin to a wedding, she couldn’t go, he went alone and met Victoria, didn’t kiss her either– lame– not a great closer, Ted– but he finally kissed her, they started dating, she went to Germany, Ted kissed Robin, lost Victoria, Ted did a rain dance, got Robin, Ted and Robin broke up, Robin moved to Brazil, came back with a Latin stud, Ted got jealous, got a tramp stamp, not really relevant to the story I just like mentioning that as much as possible, I hooked up with Robin, Ted and I stopped being friends, Ted got hit by a bus, we made up… Robin and I started dating, I got fat, her hair fell out. We broke up, Robin dated Don, I dated Nora, cheated on her with Robin, I dumped Nora, Robin dated Kevin, but not for long, and then I met you and you took my grandpa’s watch but I fell in love with you anyway, and you let me fart in front of you and I asked you to marry me and you said yes and we came over here to meet little Marvin and that’s everything! Also I went on the “Price Is Right” and won a dune buggy.


Nick: I’m glad I left work early for this. Robin, maybe later we can discuss the meaning of the word “emergency” and the phrase “Trapped under a car.”

Ted: Uh, excuse me.

Klaus Oh, hey, it’s you. “Ja,” okay, I’m not sure what kind of vibe I was giving off before, but I am not interested in your schnitzel, okay?


Ted: Victoria seems like a great girl. Why wouldn’t you want to marry her?

00:17:38,358 –> 00:17:40,758
Ach, okay,
Victoria is <i>wunderbar.</i>

00:17:40,760 –> 00:17:42,760
I’m sorry, <i>wunderbar</i> is the
German word for wonderful.

00:17:42,762 –> 00:17:43,928
Yeah, no, I know.

00:17:43,930 –> 00:17:44,979
Oh, you speak German?

00:17:47,266 –> 00:17:48,282

00:17:48,284 –> 00:17:49,901
No, no, no…

00:17:49,903 –> 00:17:52,320
No, just-just-just the one word.

00:17:52,322 –> 00:17:53,437
Oh. Oh.

00:17:53,439 –> 00:17:56,941
Ah… Okay, Victoria.

00:17:56,943 –> 00:18:00,544
There is a word in German:

00:18:00,546 –> 00:18:02,079
And the closest
translation would be…

00:18:02,081 –> 00:18:05,549
“Lifelong Treasure of Destiny.”

00:18:06,284 –> 00:18:08,285
And Victoria is <i>wunderbar,</i>

00:18:08,287 –> 00:18:11,172
but she is not my

00:18:11,174 –> 00:18:13,507
She is my

00:18:13,509 –> 00:18:14,892
you know?

00:18:15,594 –> 00:18:16,961
You know <i>wunderbar</i>

00:18:16,963 –> 00:18:18,596
but you don’t know

That is something we learn in kindergarten.

I’m sorry, “kindergarten” is the German word for–

No, no, I know that one.

Oh, okay.

But you don’t know Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand? You are maddeningly inconsistent.

It means…

“the thing that is almost the thing that you want…

…but it’s not quite.”

00:18:38,867 –> 00:18:41,035
<i>Das ist</i> Victoria to me.

00:18:41,037 –> 00:18:44,205
How do you know she’s not

00:18:44,207 –> 00:18:46,624
I mean, maybe as the years
go by, she’ll get

00:18:46,626 –> 00:18:49,660

Oh, nein, nein, nein. “Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz” is not something that develops over time. It is something that happens instantaneously. It courses through you like the water of a river after a storm… filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body… In your hands… in your heart…in your stomach…

Of course you feel it in your “Schlauchmachendejungen”. Pardon my French.


Episode 2:

Discussing their prenup agreement:
Quinn: I have to pay $2,000 every time I gain a pound?
Barney: Not every time. Just if it shows up at the weekly weigh-in.

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